


Stars Were Exploding

by orphan_account



Series: Stars Were Exploding 'Verse [1]
Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Kink Meme, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-27 14:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili was expected to marry Fili as soon as she was born.  It took a large portion of her life to be able to come to terms with that fact.  Fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme featuring always a girl!Kili.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Stars Were Exploding

**Author's Note:**

> This is a (very lengthy!) fill for the Hobbit Kink Meme. The prompt reads:  
> "Okay, so let's say that in dwarf culture sibling-incest isn't such a taboo. It however isn't much practiced outside of royal families, where the siblings are almost always married to each other.
> 
> So, Fili and fem!Kili grow up as siblings, but have also always known that they will end up marrying each other. They have been betrothed for years by the time of the quest, and will be married once they have retaken Erebor. Maybe at first it felt strange for them to think about their sibling in that way, but the idea grew on them and they are perfectly happy with the arrangement. 
> 
> Idk, I just want cute Fili/Kili where at the one moment they are acting like siblings and next they are just young lovebirds, and the others look on fondly. And Bilbo is all confused, because they don't do things like this in Shire, and are they siblings or not??
> 
> Their end may be happy or not. Maybe they die together like in the book. Or then they live and Thorin dies, and they become the King and Queen of Erebor and kick ass. Or they all live!! Happiness!!
> 
> Bonuses:  
> \+ They are madly in love even if they aren't each others' "Ones."  
> \+ They aren't allowed to sleep together until their wedding night because otherwise would be improper, so they have to make with kisses and making out. Cue they waiting their wedding for more reasons than one.  
> \+ Kili becomes pregnant (after the wedding ofc) and everyone is overjoyed.  
> \+ Thorin is still just their Uncle. Maybe Dis was married to Frerin or after Smaug she just married someone else."  
> I tried my best to get all of the bonuses, so this is a bit of a monster. I hope you enjoy :o)
> 
> The title of this fic is from a song by Good Luck by the same name. Feel free to check it out as well as the rest of the songs this band has to offer, because it has been the soundtrack to my fic writing experience!

Kili was fifteen years old when Fili kissed her for the first time.

It was on a warm day sometime in the middle of the summer. They spent most of the day at a nearby riverbank, alternating between splashing in the cool water and taking naps in the shade of nearby trees. Toward the end of the day, Kili tried to dip her toes in the water one more time and slipped across a large rock instead. She jumped up, hoping to walk off the embarrassment. 

Her brother laughed at her, until he looked down at her legs. “Kili, you’re bleeding,” he told her.

She glanced at her legs. One knee was scraped and the other was cut deep enough that blood was dripping. She bent her legs, feeling the sting as her skin tried to stretch. She winced, but still managed to laugh. “Oh. I guess I am.”

Fili pulled her into a sitting position and grabbed a towel that he had left by the tree. He dabbed it in the water and began to clean her knees. She swatted her hands at him the entire time. “You don’t have to do this!” she squealed, trying to kick him.

He grabbed her ankles and pushed them on the ground. “Yeah, I do. I have to protect you.”

She tilted her head back and bit her lip as he pulled the towel away from her knees. As he grabbed his dagger from his side and cut off a portion of the towel for dressings, she snarled, “When do you protect me? You didn’t seem really protective when I crashed into the table last week!”

“Didn’t you just get a bruise?” he asked as he tied the makeshift dressings around her legs.

“Yeah, I did. And that was totally your fault!”

“We were wrestling, Kili. If you had told me you were hurting afterwards, I would have tried to take care of you then, too.”

Kili narrowed her eyes. “Fine, whatever,” she grumbled, “Thanks for taking care of my knees. You better not have made it impossible for me to walk.”

Fili shrugged. “You’re going to have to find out,” he told her, offering his hand. “Let’s head back home.”

She sighed dramatically and grabbed his hand. He pulled her up and Kili was pleasantly surprised that she could still bend her legs well enough. “Mama’s gonna kill you about the towel.”

“I was taking care of you. She’ll understand,” he told her, slinging his arm across her shoulder. 

Kili pressed her weight against his body to a point that she was beginning to walk at an angle. 

“Now how is that comfortable?” Fili asked. 

Kili was in the process of bringing her head up to send him another glare when she felt his lips on hers.

She jumped up, shoving him off of her. “Ew!” she squawked, shuffling away from him, “What was that for?!”

The only response she got out of him was his head lowering and him dragging his heels the entire walk home.

*

A week later, Fili told her that he had a gift for her.

She spent an entire day wondering what the gift could be. She hoped that he was able to convince their mother that she could be able to own her own weapon. She had been borrowing her brother’s swords, axes, and daggers to train with him a few times a week. They were good enough, but the length was always too long and the hilt was typically wider than she would like them to be. 

Her brother entered her room sometime around mid-afternoon with a small wooden box in his hand.

Kili hoped that it was possible to have one of those switch blades fit in it.

Fili sat down next to her, his shoulders brushed up against hers. “So… here’s the gift. Ah, well, it’s a gift for both of us.” He shifted from side to side, tilting the box around to show her the carvings that swirled across it. “Mother helped me with it. Because I haven’t really started my apprenticeship at the forge quite yet. I hope you like it.”

Her eyes lit up. So it was forged? A weapon wasn’t entirely out of the question, then! She yanked the box out from his hands and swung it open. She squinted at the contents of the box. “Are those… hairclips?” she asked. She shifted the box around and noticed a bead rolling around, as well. “I mean… they look nice.” Her mother used to braid her hair all the time. However, Kili was quite terrible at maintaining it. She would get into the habit of untangling them when she was feeling antsy and didn’t have the skills necessary to braid them back. She wasn’t offended when her mother suggested that maybe it was best that she stopped trying to style her hair, at least until she was older.

“They’re matching ones,” Fili explained, picking them up out of the box. “They look identical. Well… nearly identical. I tried my best.” He placed one in his lap. “One’s for me.” He took the other one and placed it in hers. “And there’s one for you.”

She tilted the box toward him. “And the bead?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, that’s another part of it,” he said. “I can’t believe I almost forgot… right.” He picked it up out of the box and twisted it between his fingers to show her the patterns etched onto it. “I was kind of hoping to braid your hair and style it to show off your gift.”

Kili tried her best to conceal her disappointment. She bit the inside of her lip for several moments, searching for what to say. “I mean, sure if you want to try and do my hair, you can. You’re going to have to brush it. I definitely haven’t.”

Fili snorted as he got up to grab her brush from a nearby table. Kili would never tell her brother, but one of the reasons why she never bothered trying to maintain her hair was because his would always look better than hers. His fair hair was a rarity and he was trying his best to grow it out. It was just touching his shoulders at this point, but Kili could already imagine how he would look with hair as long as their uncle’s, or even their mother’s. He still needed their mother to help him braid parts of it, but he was proud of the ones that he was able to do toward the front of his head, even if they came out a little lumpy at times. 

She didn’t want to be the type of dwarf that analyzed the way that others presented themselves. She especially didn’t want to be the type of dwarf to contrast others to herself and beat herself up over it. But sometimes, in the right moments, she could find her brother overwhelmingly beautiful.

This moment in which he was returning to her side and brushing out her hair was one of them.

“I’m going to put it right behind your head, so you hopefully won’t try to undo it,” he told her.

“Isn’t one braid going to just look stupid?” she asked.

“I’m doing two actually.”

“Hey, but you only have one braid…” she started, until he shushed her. She mewled and tried to lean against her brother’s chest, but he shoved her forward. “Hey! I’m trying to get comfortable!” she snarled.

“After I’m finished with this, I promise,” Fili replied, giving the brush a massive yank as he tried to get a knot out of her hair. “Can you even run your fingers through your hair when it’s like this?”

“When do I sit around running my fingers through my hair?” she asked, wincing as he tried to pull another knot apart.

“I don’t know… it feels nice?” he asked.

“If you’re so passionate about me being able to run my fingers through my hair, why don’t you comb my hair every day?”

He finally stopped violently yanking at her hair, switching to a gentler form of brushing. “I could, if you’d like,” he said, his voice oddly stilted, “I really wouldn’t mind.”

She tried her best to scrunch her face up and tilt it toward him. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no. But… whatever.” She faced forward again, her face still scrunched up. Fili had moments of seriousness. She assumed it was just how big brothers were supposed to be. They had moments of seriousness and protectiveness toward their little sisters. Their uncle was the same way toward their mother, even though he was a little overbearing on the seriousness at times. She just hoped that Fili would always be able to find time to wrestle her or come up with pranks that always managed to make them laugh, whether they worked or not.

Fili began to braid toward the back of her head, muttering some kind of instructions. He undid the braid several times, letting out a low hiss before he sat back on the bed and groaned. “I don’t remember how to do this,” he confessed. “Hold on. I’m going to ask Mother about this.”

Kili leaned back as Fili got up off the bed and disappeared out of the room. She listened to him call for their mother and ask how to make “the special braid.” She picked the bead out of the box and twisted it around between the pads of her fingers.

Fili returned and sat behind her, propping her straight before he began to work on her hair again. “Sorry about that,” he mumbled.

“What’s so special about whatever you’re doing back there?” she asked.

Fili froze, his hands holding two collections of her hair. “Well, it’s… uh. Well. It’s a special kind of braid, because it means that the dwarf that wears it means that they are… taken… cared for?... by someone.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t too fond of the idea of being taken. However, the thought of her brother caring about her so much that he wanted to mark her hair with it was endearing. “Well, keep going,” she told him.

Fili finally got through the braid and clasped it with the bead in the box. He then began to work on another braid.

“You don’t have a bead for that one,” she noted. 

“Yeah, I do,” he said, completing the braid much faster than the other one. He faced her as he pulled one of his braids out from the side of his head. “Here. Because you like undoing braids so much.”

Kili snickered as she began to pull the bead off of his braid. “You sure about this?” she asked.

Fili nodded. “This is how it works, you know,” he told her, “One of my beads and one of your beads. Well, I kind of had to improvise, because you don’t really have any.”

She pulled the braid out and played with the curlier locks of hair that resulted from it. He let her paw at it for several seconds before he disappeared behind her and fixed up her braid before he clasped it. “There,” he announced, “It’s finished.” He collected the top part of her hair and pulled it back with the hairclip and pet her head several times before he rearranged himself next to her. “Now you look like someone that can become queen,” he told her, kissing her cheek.

Kili twisted around to face him. “Wait, I’m not being queen,” she told him, “I mean, I’d be a terrible queen, anyway. Could you imagine me wearing dresses all the time? I can’t.”

Fili laughed nervously. “Well, I think you should at least try to wear a dress once in awhile. Maybe work your way up to it for when you do become queen.”

Kili felt her teeth grind hearing the world “queen” again. She wondered if the summer heat was getting to his head.

*

It was toward the end of summer and Kili successfully avoided undoing the two braids every time her brother put them there. His hands were becoming more adept at working on her hair. He was even able to work knots out of it without making her wince too much. When it became less humid, her brother began to get into the habit of just holding her close, sometimes going as far as laying across the bed with her. Kili would curl up against him, running her fingers through her hair. They hadn’t slept side-by-side since they were very young. The old place they lived in was too small to allow them to have separate bedrooms. She appreciated having her own room, but she did miss having her brother at her side when she had a nightmare or she wanted to confirm some sort of plans with him.

It was also at this time that her mother sat her down with the promise of a gift. She gladly sat next to her at the table, nearly wiggling at the prospect. She was just hoping that it wasn’t another hairclip.

Dis laughed as she watched Kili squirm in her chair. Kili finally stopped moving after this continued for a minute or so. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Just watching you,” Dis replied, grinning at her.

Kili froze, her body still tilted toward one side.

“Have you ever been referred to as a brat, my love?”

“Fili calls me that all the time.”

“Well… he’s certainly not wrong in calling you that.” She prop her elbow on the table and smirked at her daughter before she continued, “I also have been hearing reports from your uncle and Mr. Dwalin about your combat skills.”

Kili sat up straight, only to rest her chin on the table. She felt her mother’s eyes narrow at her, but she refused to move. “What are they saying?” she asked.

“They say that you’re very talented. Don’t tell your brother, but there are certain areas that you appear to be more aptitude at.”

Kili smirked.

“If you tell him I’ll make sure that I never mention your uncle’s reports to you ever again. I should also mention that while your combat skills are well and good, you are certainly lacking the tact necessary to become a diplomat, which, as queen, is something you should work on.”

Kili lifted her head off the table. “Now you’re saying I’m going to be queen,” she mumbled, “Isn’t Fili the heir? Or rather, isn’t Thorin?”

Dis smiled. “Thorin isn’t going to live forever, Kili.”

“So even then, Fili would be king. I get to, I don’t know. Maybe he’ll let me lead an army or something.” She grinned wickedly at the thought.

Dis sighed. She placed her hands under Kili’s chin and tilted her face toward hers. “We’re not here to discuss your potential as a warrior. What I want to ask you is do you know why your brother has been braiding your hair recently?”

“He said something about how it represents that he’s protecting me or something like that,” she explained. She tried to squirm out of her mother’s grip, but was pulled into an embrace instead. She rubbed her cheek against her mother’s beard and added, “Oh, and he used the word ‘taken’ when he did my hair the first time. I didn’t get it.”

Her mother stopped holding her close and laughed. “You’re not going to be able to lead armies if you have that terrible of observation skills,” she teased.

Kili huffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she squealed.

Dis placed her hand on her cheek. “You have matching hairclips with your brother, correct?”

Kili nodded. “Yeah, he wears it all the time,” she replied.

“And you have two braids in your hair,” she added.

Kili grabbed both of them and raised them over her head like rabbit ears. “Yep!” she chirped, “Just like this!”

Dis sighed and Kili let go of the braids, letting them drop back behind her head. “Thank you,” she whispered. She let go of her daughter’s cheek and said, “The braids in your hair represent more than protection, although that is certainly part of it.”

Kili sat up straight, feeling her chest become tight at the tone that her mother’s voice was changing into. 

“It also represents being taken by someone. Your brother wasn’t wrong in that.” Her mother’s hands began to wring nervously around her skirts. She wasn’t used to seeing her having ticks like that. Her mother typically had no reason to be nervous. “The braids represent that you are betrothed. One braid represents you. The other represents your future husband.”

Kili’s eyes widened. She was supposed to marry Fili? How could that be possible? She knew that she would be expected to be married. She spent so much of her life being scolded about how trailing mud in the house or refusing to wear skirts would make her appear as an unappealing wife. But to have that person already planned out to be married to her and have it be a person that she had known her entire existence was baffling. “But… how?” she asked.

Dis sighed “Royal families marry their kin fairly frequently. Our line is no exception,” she explained, “The moment you were born and confirmed to be a girl, you were matched with your brother, even if you weren’t aware of it yet.”

“You’re not married to Thorin,” Kili grumbled. She didn’t even hate her brother. Quite the opposite, really. She adored her brother. He played with her and typically avoided teasing her about how she was a girl or that she was younger than him. But the thought of marrying him and potentially becoming a queen, was overwhelming.

Her mother’s eyes darkened. “No… I am not,” she confessed, “I most likely should have.” She lowered her head and clenched her skirts so tightly that her knuckles were becoming white. “I was actually betrothed to your uncle Frerin.” She sighed. “Sorry, my heart still aches thinking about how he was lost.” She began to pull at the fabric. “But… when he was killed…” Her voice shook the slightest bit. Kili turned away, unsure if her mother would cry. She never saw her mother cry before, but she knew she never wanted to find out. “My heart was shattered,” she explained, “Thorin… he… he said that he would rather see me find someone else that would make me happy, than be forced against his side. Although, that didn’t quite work as we planned, either.”

Kili opened her mouth, but quickly shut it. Her father died when she was only a few years old. It was difficult to recall details about him. She remembered that he had fair hair and he loved to tickle her until she shrieked. He would jokingly lift up his hands at both sides of her head and encourage her to punch them, egging her on when she bent her wrist or didn’t hit as hard as he think she could. Kili understood death and felt a part of her life lacking, because of her father being gone. But she would only lose her father once. She couldn’t begin to imagine what it was like to lose someone she loved as a partner, let alone twice like her mother.

“I understand that it’s not fair for you,” her mother added, “If it helps you at all, I was so angry about it once that I just punched my brother in the face. I gave him quite the shiner.”

Kili laughed. She didn’t feel the need to punch her brother. How could she? She assumed that he couldn’t have been very happy about the arrangement, either. He could have found a dwarf who was just as beautiful as he was. Maybe one with red hair and was always able to look stunning in blue dresses. Instead, he was relegated to being betrothed to his kid sister that would probably have animals nesting in her hair if he didn’t sit down and brush it out himself and wore clothes with muted colors and refused to wear new ones until they were threadbare.

“I almost forgot your gift!” her mother exclaimed, pulling her chair out to get up. “I am so embarrassed.” She ducked behind a counter and reappeared with an item wrapped in muslin. She gently placed it on the table and waved her hand toward Kili. “Feel free to look,” she told her, “Remember when I complimented you on your combat skills? Thorin found this and wanted to throw it out. But I couldn’t let go of it.”

Kili ripped the muslin off and gasped. A bow, as well as a quiver were within the fabric. She covered her mouth and shook as she twisted around to inspect the weapon. “A bow? You got me a bow?!”

Her mother laughed and pulled her close. “A rare weapon of choice for a dwarf, I know. It certainly doesn’t help that your uncle is so against a certain race’s preference for it.” 

Kili finally picked up the bow and gripped it tightly. She noted the crest that was carved into it and gasped. “Mama… is this… this is your crest, isn’t it?” It was the same one that was on her mother’s dagger that she kept close to her side at all times.

Her mother smiled. “It is,” she told her, “I may have dabbled in archery back in the day. I wasn’t particularly great at it, but it was enjoyable. I think you’ll be able to be much better at it.”

Kili pretended to shoot an arrow with the bow. “You’re sure about this?” she asked, “Don’t I have to… I don’t know… work on being a queen or something?”

Her mother shook her head. “No. Not yet. You’re still young. I want you to be able to enjoy as much of your life as you can before you have to worry about those things.” She adjusted her daughter’s grip on the bow and sighed. “I just hope you understand that while there are some things I must make you do, I still want nothing more but to have both you and your brother be happy.”

Kili pretended to shoot another arrow before she nodded her head. “Thank you,” she whispered, hugging it close. She finally let go of it to hug her mother, as well.

*

Kili spent her thirties bordering on feral. She spent her mornings hunting, her afternoons pretending to study various races’ customs for political purposes, and her evenings wearing dresses and flirting her way through free drinks at a nearby tavern.

Her brother followed her through her day as a broad-shouldered shadow. He helped her skin her kills, poked her side to keep her awake through studies, and eyed anyone that talked to her suspiciously. 

They rarely talked about their arrangement. Even when it was brought up, it was always about being king and queen, not husband and wife. At this point, Kili was positive that was as much as she could handle in that moment. She stopped wearing her braids whenever she went out to the tavern, out of fear of a dwarf pointing it out and making a scene. Fili stopped kissing her on the lips sometime after she began to get into that habit. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him. She certainly did. She couldn’t be sure if it was the type of love that was told in the stories written by scribes or the type that nearly broke her mother down the day she gave her bow as a gift. She did know that she was trying her best to avoid exploring it further.

It was entirely possible that her brother felt that way about her. It was also possible that he was just taking his obligations as an heir seriously, but she couldn’t be sure. The fact that they avoided discussing the expectations placed upon them made it difficult to decipher those types of details.

*

Kili tumbled through her forties with her brother fed up and refusing to go to the taverns with her anymore. The first night it was that he was tired, the second night was that he had a headache, and the third night he grabbed her wrist and pulled her close. His eyes bore into hers for several seconds before he whispered “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry” and let go of her wrist. She ran out of the house before the red marks on her arm faded.

She returned home the next morning. When her mother asked, she told her that she went to the tavern and was too drunk to get back home. In actuality, she holed herself up in a nearby tree and didn’t sleep. She found twigs and leaves in her hair for a week afterward. Fili would look at her, occasionally with disgust, but mostly with a heartbroken look about him that she couldn’t stop thinking about anytime she caught it. 

If she spared one second of hunting or flirting in taverns to reflect, she would have realized that he was in love with her at this point.

*

Kili returned from hunting one day to see Fili packing up various items in his room. She watched him for awhile, his motions violent as he tossed mismatched pieces of clothes into a sack. When he emptied his trunk and tossed it aside, she yelped. He turned his head and narrowed his eyes at her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked.

He laughed. “You haven’t been home for longer than an hour the past few months and you’re asking me where I’m going?”

Kili slipped out of the room and into the entrance. 

“Where do you even go? Do you hear what everyone’s saying about you? What everyone’s saying about me?”

Kili brought her hands to her head and took a deep, shaky breath. Of course she knew what people were saying. There was just so much that they could say. She was no longer a child dawdling behind her brother, nor was she the young upstart that her uncle continuously encouraged to practice her archery skills. Now she was a wayward heiress that spent her days in the woods and her evenings in the company of various, seedy types in taverns. 

She knew her brother was working hard. He was studying more than he probably had to, preparing for a day in which his uncle needed him, be it for a quest along his side, or to be a king. Every day he was charging to this goal, she was pushing him as far away as she could get him, losing the closeness that they had at a time that felt like a lifetime ago.

She wanted to blame it on the day when she found out she was betrothed to him. She could have claimed she didn’t find out soon enough or she wasn’t ready yet and she didn’t know how to deal with him, because of it. But any and all excuses that she could come up with seemed petty compared to the one that graciously accepted his role and had to watch his future wife destroy anything he attempted to build for them.

“I’m leaving with Thorin,” he finally told her, “I need to work on my forging skills and I think traveling with him would be good for me. haven’t really left this place since we moved here. I need to learn more about this world. Especially if I’m going to potentially be a king someday.”

Kili shook her head. “No, I can’t… you can’t just leave. You’re my brother! Fili, please…”

Fili snorted. “Only as your brother,” he muttered.

Kili glared at him. “I can’t just forget that,” she reminded him.

“I don’t think it was ever expected of you to forget that,” Fili snapped, “Do you think our mother ever forgot about that when she was betrothed to Frerin? You keep going about this as if you’re the only one that this has ever happened to… you’re just so selfish.”

Kili felt a burn that started in her nose and raced down her throat. She struggled to swallow before she said, “I just… I’m sorry, Fili, I just…”

“Did you even try, Kili?” Fili demanded, “Have you ever really tried to think about me?” He sighed. “I’ve been told time and time again that I own you. That I give you too much freedom. But I always told them no… that I never had to own you. That when the time came… even if you couldn’t love me… you would be able to do what has to happen for the good of our line…”

Fili walked over to her. He lifted his hand and Kili winced when he placed it on the wall near her head. “I know what you want. You want forests and taverns and probably the ability to be with others that aren’t me. And maybe if… when I’m king, I will be able to give you that. I will certainly try to. But only after you try to work with me. Please?”

Kili reached out to him and pressed her hand against her cheek. She averted her eyes toward the ceiling when she felt warm tears roll along her knuckles. If she was any younger, she would have ran away. She would have holed herself in a tree again and lied through her teeth when her mother asked about it.

But that was before she had her brother packing his things in a bag and threatening to leave. That was when he wandered behind her, still holding out that she would grab his hand and pull him to her side.

The future king under the mountain was under her thumb. He fit himself there as soon as she was born, whether he was aware of it or not. 

“Do you love me?” she asked, her voice tinier than she anticipated. She scrunched her face up for a moment before she said, “I mean, I’m not… you don’t have to… we never talked about it.”

He smiled weakly. “I do. It’s a complicated kind of love, but I do.”

Kili finally brought her eyes back to his and she pulled her hand away from his cheek. She tucked it close to her chest.

He sighed, bringing his own hand off of the wall and flexing it several times. “It’s like… we can only love who we know, you know?”

Kili shook her head. 

“I fell in love with you. I’m not entirely sure when. It’s possible I always knew. It’s also possible that I only really fell in love with you, because I might as well. I’m going to be married to you. But… I do love you. I must love you. It just hurts seeing you not even try to love me in response.”

Kili grabbed his sleeve and nodded, finally feeling tears well up in her eyes. “Oh. Well, aren’t I just horrible?” she whispered.

“I understand. I’m not the best. I’m your brother. It’s not… fair.”

Kili shook her head. “See, that’s where you’re mistaken… you’re the better looking one. You’re the one that takes who we are seriously. You’re the one that isn’t being called a whore and a trollop within an earshot.”

Fili’s eyes widened. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her close. “Who said this?” he hissed, “What has been going on?”

Kili refused to meet her eyes with his. “Nothing’s been… going on.” Not entirely. She knew better than to sleep with others. Her mother warned her when she started going to the taverns decades ago. It didn’t mean that she objected to kissing or fondling behind buildings or somewhere in the woods. She couldn’t be angry at the gossip. 

Fili gently shook her. “Kili, who has been saying this about you?”

“What are you going to do, Fili? You’re leaving. And… just… they probably saw me leaving the tavern with someone.” She tried to back away from him, but he pulled her close again. “Please let go of me,” she whispered, “I take that back, you should go get ready.”

Fili ran his hands down her arms and gently grabbed at her fingers. “All I need are names. I’ll punch them in the middle of the streets and have everyone know they disrespected you.”

Kili shook her head. “I could do that,” she pointed out.

“Unfortunately, that isn’t as much of a statement.”

Kili briefly imagined her brother diving at a man that always went to the tavern toward the end of the week. One time he grabbed her by the waist and called her a pretty little whore. She tossed him across the table. It didn’t make him stop.

She didn’t want her brother to pick her battles. She didn’t want to have him come to her defense, as her big brother, as well as her future husband. But it was becoming obvious that she was going to have to work with the systems that existed to make her life easier.

“Make him bleed,” Kili demanded, a darkness in her voice taking over. “He may be there. He’s certainly big enough of a lush. If anything, there’s plenty of others that you can get back at.” She craned her neck over him to see the piles of clothes and bags. “But what about you leaving?”

“I’ll only need an hour or two to do this. I won’t be able to hurt everyone that hurt you, but it’s something.”

Kili grinned wickedly. She knew it wasn’t the best time, but she decided to kiss him on the lips. 

Fili twitched against her and pulled away. “You never kissed me before,” he muttered, “I’ve always been the one to kiss you…”

“You wanted me to try,” she reminded him, “So this is me trying.”

*

Fili left the tavern with bloody knuckles. Kili contently dabbed at them with a piece of her skirt as they returned home. She brushed her lips against his knuckles, smirking at him as he shook his head.

“That’s disgusting,” he told her, “Also, we’re in public.”

“You just went into the tavern, beat up a man, and didn’t even stay long enough to get a drink,” she pointed out, “You didn’t even let him explain himself.”

“I was too busy knocking teeth out of his mouth.”

“Well… yeah. Exactly.” Her brother was an impressive brawler. He was a foot shorter than his opponent, but knew exactly how to reach his face and connect a punch. The man punched him as well and his nose was already bruising. But he still stood tall, most likely still running on adrenaline.

“I think I made the statement I needed,” he said, “They shouldn’t bother you anymore.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think I’m going to go back anytime soon. I’m sure Mama wants me to hang around the house and help her out now that you aren’t going to be around.” She frowned. “Do you really have to leave? I feel like we’re finally talking to each other after… well, decades.”

Fili sighed. “I have to go, Kili. Maybe you can come with later on. I’ll ask uncle about it.”

“He can barely tolerate me when we’re combat training. Could you imagine dealing with me at a forge all the time?”

He laughed. “I think you’re forgetting that he adores you,” he told her, “He likes me well enough, seeing as though I’m his heir, but he gives you a smile whenever you do well… I may be jealous.”

They returned to the front door of their home and faced each other. 

“Thank you,” Kili whispered, “Thank you so much.”

“I just wish you told me about what people were telling you. You didn’t deserve to deal with that alone.”

She shrugged. “Maybe a little… you said it yourself that I was being selfish.”

Fili pressed his forehead against hers and hugged her tightly. “If you keep beating yourself up like this, I’m going to have to punch you in the face, too.”

“You better not,” she hissed, “I will gladly punch you back.”

Fili leaned in to kiss her, but pulled back. Kili glared. “Come back here,” she hissed.

Fili laughed and met her halfway. It lasted longer than any of their kisses before that point. Fili got so far as to weave his fingers in her hair. He reached the back of her head and broke the kiss. “Your braids!” he exclaimed.

“I haven’t worn them in years,” she confessed.

“I know, but… can I do it? Before I leave? I’m sure I can do it quick enough. Please?”

Kili nodded her head, grinning. “Yeah,” she said, “I’d really like that.”

*

Kili undid her braids as soon as Fili left. 

Dis sighed loudly as she watched her. Kili just waved her hand at her. “Don’t worry, Mama!” she exclaimed, “I’m just trying to learn how to do this myself.”

Her mother rolled her eyes. “When you give up on that, the floor needs to be scrubbed,” she ordered, getting up and disappearing somewhere behind the house

Kili practiced braiding her hair whenever she could. She stopped wandering in the forest as much and began to practice archery at a field with targets dotting it. Her mother helped her make new clothes, including dresses with bright blue fabric and pants that were similar blues with gold embellishments. She missed Fili, but was excited to show him how far she had gone without him.

“He’s going to be in for a shock,” she said as she showed off the hem she just made to her mother.

Dis nodded approvingly. “You’re getting much better at that,” she complimented. “But I don’t think you’ve changed that much.”

Kili huffed. “I don’t go to the tavern anymore! I’m-I’m making clothes! I’m changing!”

“You’re just being a more mature version of yourself. It’s about time,” Dis said, “You’re certainly still Kili.”

Kili inspected the pantleg she was working on and felt her cheeks grow hot. It felt good to be able to talk to her mother with this sort of comfort again.


	2. Same Stories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the part in which I try to condense the plot of the Hobbit into several thousand words in order to get to the third part (yes, a third part!) that actually deviates from the story.

Fili didn’t return home for many years. They kept in contact through letters and the few times that she was able to get out and visit him, but it was always in the presence of the rest of the dwarves that worked at the forge. 

Kili was so excited to be reunited with him, she jumped into his arms and pressed her face against his neck. He graciously held her up by her thighs and left her there for a moment, pressing his chin against her shoulder. 

“Welcome back,” she whispered, kissing his neck.

She never understood the stories about lovers who spent years away from each other until she was in the midst of it. It was possible that it was exactly what she needed to realize how much he meant to her.

She finally hopped off of him and led him through the home. “Mama’s going to be so excited,” she chirped, nearly skipping her way to the room she was sitting in.

“Your hair,” Fili said, brushing his fingers against the braids behind her head. 

Kili turned around. “Oh, yeah, I finally learned how to braid. I don’t wear any other ones. Not really for me.”

“Have you gone back to the tavern?” he asked.

She snorted. “Of course I have. Not as much. I go with Gimli now. He’s finally old enough and he’s got a really impressive beard.” She spun around and smiled. “I mean, you have a pretty impressive one, too, but you’ve got to see it, Fili. It’s massive.”

“Is that Fili?” Dis asked, running into the room to hug him. “Welcome back, my love,” she whispered, kissing his cheek, “I missed you so much.”

The rest of the evening was devoted to food and catching up on things that couldn’t quite be discussed in letters. Kili found herself unable to look away from Fili. She could finally see the details that she was never able to when she visited him. His arms were well-toned and he had began to braid his moustache with silver beads that swung around as he spoke. They sat close to each other, their arms lined up nearly perfectly. Occasionally she tried to tuck her pinky against his and she grinned when he gripped back. She wondered what it would be like to explore him further, perhaps kiss him in places she couldn’t quite see at the moment. She found herself embarrassed to even look at her mother at times when those thoughts flooded her head.

Toward the end of the night, Fili’s voice took a serious tone. “Unfortunately, I’m not going to be able to stay long,” he confessed, “Neither will you, Kili, if you accept this invitation.”

Kili tilted her head to the side and let go of his hand. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Thorin wanted us to return, because he wishes to focus on taking back Erebor,” he explained, “As in, he’s going to talk to dwarves from all over and hope to form an army. As his heir, I’m expected to go with him.” A smile reappeared on his face. “It’s quite ambitious for a first quest, but I think I’m ready.”

Their mother threw her head back and sighed. “I knew your return was too good to be true,” she whispered, “Thorin has some nerve…”

“Where do I play into this?” Kili asked, “Do I get to come? Does Thorin want me?”

“Thorin needs you,” he explained, “He said that he needed you for your knowledge of long range weapons.”

Kili grinned, wiggling around in her chair. It wasn’t very common for dwarf women to be asked to attend quests. There were certainly stories of them arriving at battles uninvited and saving the day. But to be invited into Thorin’s company on a quest to reclaim the home they never knew…

“I accept the invitation,” Kili announced.

Dis leaned even more on her chair. “There’s no way I could convince you otherwise, is there?” she asked.

“I need to go,” Kili explained, “I’m tired of waiting around for Fili to come back. I want to help Thorin. It’s the least I can do as the future queen.”

Dis began to tug at her skirts. She had difficulty recalling a moment aside from when she was fifteen years old that her mother ever did that. Her mother sighed and smiled the faintest bit. “Of course my daughter would find a way to make herself a warrior queen.”

“I’m pretty sure Ori told me that if I ever pulled that off, he’d write so many stories about me,” she added, grinning.

Her mother continued to pull at her skirts. “Well, yes. I’m sure he would.”

Kili reached out to her. “Mama, I need to do this,” she told her, “Thorin… and Fili… need me.”

Her mother’s voice shook the slightest bit when she said, “I understand. I entirely understand. That doesn’t mean that I can’t be angry about it.”

*

Fili and Kili ended up in their mother’s bed, curled up on both sides of her. Kili felt herself nearly falling off the bed several times and her mother and brother caught her every time.

“This was easier when you were babies,” Dis noted, loudly kissing Kili’s temple. She grabbed them close, continuing to kiss both of their foreheads. “I just hate that no sooner do I have you back I’m losing you to an adventure.”

“But it’ll be worth it,” Fili told her, “You’ll be able to have your home back.”

Dis rubbed his shoulder. “That’s well and good. But as your mother, I will always be worried about your safety and put it above getting that mountain back.” She turned to her daughter and brushed her fingers against the few hairs that she was able to grow on the side of her cheeks. “That’s something you’ll hopefully understand in a few years.”

Kili burrowed her face in her mother’s shoulder. She could barely imagine being a wife, let alone a mother. It took her over fifty years to learn how to see Fili as anything but her brother. She wasn’t really sure how much time she could be given to take on the prospect of caring for a child.

“We aren’t even married yet, Mother,” Fili said, his eyes focused on Kili. “Don’t scare her.”

Dis fluffed her pillow up and sat up. “When do you even intend on getting married at this point?”

Kili perked her head up, realizing that she didn’t even know the answer.

“I talked to uncle about it,” Fili explained. He lowered his head and whispered to Kili, “Sorry, I wanted to talk about this with you tonight…”

Kili shrugged. “No, I mean, it’s understandable. Of course you were going to talk about that with him.”

Fili continued, “…Thorin believes that we should be married as soon as we reclaim Erebor. It will be a celebration. A commemoration of our hard work.”

Kili visualized the wedding. She saw herself wearing ceremonial braids, but in her traveling outfit. Preferably with her quiver on her back. Her brother wearing his swords on his back. Their uncle was watching carefully with a crown on his head.

“Your uncle sure knows how to get you to do his bidding, doesn’t he?” Dis asked. She sighed. “If you get married before I arrive…”

“I refuse to have that happen,” Kili said, her voice squeaking the slightest bit.

“Same here!” Fili exclaimed, “You need to make sure that she can get her hair right.”

“I can braid my hair now!” Kili exclaimed, “Right, Mama?”

“She does,” Dis complimented her, “Granted, she refuses to do her hair other than her betrothal braids, but… she could do them if need be.”

Kili lifted her chin and smirked at her brother. Fili just raised his hand over their mother and promptly shoved her off the bed.

*

Kili invited Fili into her bed that night. She claimed that his room had become storage and there wasn’t really any space for him. It wasn’t an entire lie.

Fili still went into his room to get dressed and refused to enter hers until she was dressed. When he entered, she flashed her leg at him and hobbled over to him as he tried to run out of the room. She tackled him, grabbing his shoulder.

“You’re too tall!” he choked out, as he slammed against the wall.

She just giggled and pelted him with kisses. “I grew up when you were away! See?” she asked, “Also you may want to check my side. I think I got a huge bruise from when you shoved me off the bed.”

Fili pushed her to his back and walked back into her room, making exaggerated choking noises as she gripped at his neck. He let go of her over the bed and sat next to her. “You’re sure you want to do this?” he asked.

“I’ve been waiting for this,” she told him, “Ew, was that weird? But… it’s true…”

“Did you?” Fili asked.

Kili rolled on her stomach and pushed her body in a way that her nightshirt rode up. The part that she really missed about her tavern days was that she could have her desires fulfilled fairly easily. Spending an entire day watching him and not being able to explore the new muscles and this new version of him that she felt something toward was becoming frustrating. 

Fili pulled her nightshirt down. “I’m flattered, but we can’t. What if you get pregnant? There’s no way Thorin would let you go on the quest.”

Kili rolled her eyes and slammed her face in her pillow. “Well, that confirms that you didn’t really have much experience when you were gone,” she mumbled.

He huffed. “I have plenty of years to be with you!”

Kili swung her leg over his waist and placed her hands on his chest. “And I’m going to teach you how to actually enjoy yourself with sex, as opposed to worrying about making heirs with it.”

Fili’s hands shook as he brought his hands to the collar of her night shirt and undid the buttons on it. He pulled the fabric open and grinned at the sight of her breasts. “Oh,” he whispered, “I see. I… all right.”

*

Kili woke up earlier than Fili, finding herself tangled up in his arms. She felt a little sore from the night before. He didn’t quite understand the concept of being rough with her everywhere aside from between her legs, but it was something that he could learn over time.

Kili pulled the furs over her chin and smiled. There was going to be a next time with him. There was going to be an entire lifetime of next times. He would be able to learn about her and she would be able to explore what made him feel good and she could already feel her body feel warm at the thought. She was almost disappointed that the quest was going to happen before they were able to get married. 

Fili woke up, his eyes unfocused as he yawned and mussed his hair, one arm still around Kili’s shoulder. “Good morning,” he whispered, his voice rough.

“Morning,” Kili replied, nuzzling his neck.

“Mother’s going to kill us,” Fili said, loosening his grip on her.

“We were separated for so long. She’ll understand,” Kili replied, “It’s not like we went too far…”

“Says you!” he exclaimed, “That was certainly the farthest I’ve ever gone with someone.”

Kili shut her eyes tightly as she leaned on his chest. “I’m going to have to be the one that does a lot of the teaching, aren’t I?”

*

Kili found herself on the verge of tears when she said goodbye to Dis. Dis was serene during the process, making sure that their ponies were secured correctly and checking to see that she had enough arrows. This was the mother that Kili knew and loved. The one that was tough, but caring, and wasn’t afraid to confront her with her opinions. She hugged her and kissed both her cheeks before she did the same to her brother. “Be careful, please,” she begged, “Don’t do anything foolish. And don’t get married before I get back to Erebor!”

Kili found herself glad that she could hear things like that and not have the impulse to run up a tree at this point in her life.

*

It took an embarrassing amount of time for Kili to get the hobbit’s name down.

“I really thought it was Boggins!” she exclaimed, trying to cover her face and lean away from the table.

“Baggins, Kili. Baggins,” Fili told her, still laughing.

“Shut up!” Kili yelped, slapping him.

If it was any consolation, it takes Mr. Baggins and obscene amount of time to realize that she’s even a woman. It wasn’t until they were on their journey did the topic really come up. They seemed to be on a first name basis with each other, but rarely was she called out individually from her brother by him. At one point they had enough time to bathe by the river and she prepared to go further upstream away from the rest of the group.

“Aren’t you joining… the rest of them?” Bilbo asked, standing awkwardly with only his pants and unbuttoned shirt.

“Why would I do that?” she asked.

“Because you’re one of… us? I mean…”

She gasped. “Oh.” She didn’t think that she looked particularly masculine, but with her wispy sideburns and her journeying gear, she certainly looked like a younger, male dwarf. “No, I’m a woman.”

Bilbo blushed and promptly tightened his shirt around his side. “Oh my, this is… oh my… I…”

“It’s okay!” she chirped, putting her bag down to place her hands on his shoulders. “Really. It’s fine. You don’t really meet dwarf women, how could you know that?”

He slapped his hands on his sides several times, not quite making eye contact with her. “I am still very sorry,” he muttered.

Kili made her way toward the riverbank, listening to Bilbo balk at Gandalf. “She’s part of the company?” he squawked. 

“Ah, yes,” Gandalf replied, “Didn’t you know? She’s Thorin’s niece.

Kili hid behind a bush to continue listening.

“You see, Bilbo, dwarf women have appeared time and time again in history as adventurers and warriors. Kili is an accomplished archer, as I’m sure you have noticed already.”

Kili blushed. She couldn’t wait to tell her brother about that compliment.

Bilbo was silent for a moment before he said, “Oh, well. All right. I just can’t believe I didn’t notice.”

“My dear Bilbo, anyone can look like a man with a good suit of armor, just as anyone can look like a woman with a good dress. Now, excuse me…”

Kili ducked her head toward the brush and dropped her things off at the riverbank. As she removed her quiver from her back and slid her jacket off, she heard rustling. She turned around to see her brother with one of his swords in his hands.

She gasped and he reached over to cover her mouth. “I’m guarding you,” he told her, “Thorin’s orders. And no, I’m not going to join you. Do you want to be caught?”

“It’s fine. Bilbo finally found out I’m a woman. So we’re pretty good.”

Fili snorted. “But you barely have a beard!”

“I know, it’s pathetic. Mama’s is so much more impressive.”

“You’ll probably get one in a few years. You’re still young.”

Kili began to slap her cheeks, muttering, “Come on! Grow faster!” She looked up at him and dropped her hands to her sides. “Do you even like facial hair? I always assumed you did.”

“I never really gave much thought to it,” he told her as he squinted. “Also, you do realize that it doesn’t grow like that, right?”

They were quiet long enough to hear splashing in the distance and what sounded like Bilbo’s voice yelping, “Put me down! Put me down this instant!”

“Do I have to bathe up here by myself?” she asked.

“If you want to deal with all of them, be my guest. I’m going to sit here and sharpen my blade.”

“Fine,” Kili grumbled as she dramatically removed her top. “You’re missing out.” She pulled her pants down and stepped out of them as she entered the water. When she raised her head above the waterline she watched Fili mutter to himself as he rubbed a rock along his blade. “It’s not too cold… and it’s always warmer with someone else…”

“You speak as if you’ve had experience.”

“I haven’t. Aside from all those times we shared a bath together as children.” She dipped her head underwater and tossed her hair back. “Or those times we went to the river together when it was too hot during the summer.” She closed her eyes for a moment and recalled the summer she found out about how she was arranged to marry Fili. “Do you remember? One time I fell and cut up my knees.” She could almost hear her brother’s voice at the time, still at a high pitch as he proclaimed that he had to protect her. She pressed her lips together. “You knew that we were going to be wed, didn’t you?”

Fili finally stopped sharpening his blade. “I was told about our arrangement before that. Thorin was training me as soon as I could remotely read and write. Mother sat me down and told me that she was going to tell you sometime during the summer and I should try my best to show that I was supposed to take care of you in a way that extended beyond being your older brother.”

Kili propped her arms on the riverbank and watched him as he resumed sharpening his sword. He adjusted his position in a way that he didn’t have to face her.

“You should come in,” she suggested, “Please? When are you supposed to get clean, otherwise?” She flexed her fingers at him. “I can give you a back massage, maybe?”

Fili chuckled. “You’re really trying to get me in there with you?”

She continued to twitch her fingers at him. Eventually, Fili crawled over, leaving his sword nearby. He began to remove his close and Kili averted her eyes, waiting for him to entirely submerge himself in the water. She grinned as he floated toward her and kissed her on the cheek. He then turned around, facing his back to her.

She stared at his back for a moment before she remembered. “Oh!” she exclaimed, “Right!” She raised her hands to his shoulders and tried to rub him for several seconds, until he shrugged her off. 

“Who taught you how to massage like that?” he asked, dunking his head in the water.

She huffed. “I’m sorry! I’m just trying to help!”

Fili sighed loudly. “You’re absolutely hopeless,” he grumbled, taking in a mouthful of water before he squirted it in her face.

Kili let out a whine as she swiped her hand across the water and let a wave of water hit her brother in the face. “Take that!” she yelled, eventually resorting to just tackling him.

“Lookit the lovebirds!” Bofur cooed, his voice carrying over the water.

Fili and Kili nearly stumbled into the water, realizing they ended up directly in the other group’s line of vision after squirming so much.

“Fili, I thought I told you to watch after her,” Thorin added, his blue eyes still finding away to pierce through them from that far of a distance.

Fili splashed his way toward the riverbank and was barely able to grab his things before he ran into the woods, his wet, naked body nearly glowing in the sunlight.

*

Being on the road was good for Kili. Many of the skills that she spent years of her life perfecting could be utilized in real time. She fed off of the compliments that she received throughout the company about her ability to come back from a hunt with meat and her ability to fight along with everybody else and fight off enemies.

She certainly wasn’t perfect. There was the incident with the trolls that was entirely her fault. She assumed that she could distract Fili for a few minutes and kiss him all over behind the trees. In actuality, it was enough time for massive trolls to take two of their ponies and cause an evening-long ordeal about to be eaten.

There were also times that she was terrified. Those times were when her accuracy was not perfect. Thorin had to pull her away from danger several times, because she wanted to make sure that she could at least make one, fatal shot on any enemy that she missed. There were other times that she found herself scared to be a woman, a sensation she never felt before this point. Those moments were like the time that they ended up in the presence of the Goblin King, who pointed her out from the group and tried to have his subjects remove her clothes. Thankfully, Fili charged in front of her and chopped off their arms before they could get past her jacket.

She told herself over and over that even the scary parts were worth it. She didn’t have the same attachment to the homeland that the older members of the company sang about. In hindsight, she didn’t have a set location she ever felt was her home. She found that it was her family that made her feel the sensation of shelter.

The longer she was on the journey, the more she felt like her family was expanding. The hobbit was growing on her and she found herself conversing with him when they had downtime at their camp sites.

Occasionally, they would exchange stories about the different customs hobbits and dwarves had. She knew that she wasn’t an expert of dwarven tradition. However, many of the others didn’t want to let Bilbo in that close with that sort of information. 

“Thorin told me you and Fili are brother and sister,” Bilbo said, picking a piece of meat out of his stew and popped it in his mouth.

Kili nodded. “Yeah, he’s the older one. I’m the younger one.” It seemed that her uncle and Bilbo were getting much closer ever since the confrontation with the pale orc. Thorin could use friendship outside of his kin. Bilbo was certainly a fine candidate.

“But… I’m quite sure I heard Balin mention that you were betrothed.”

“Yeah. We are.” She gulped some stew down before she continued. “It was arranged when I was born.”

Bilbo sighed loudly. “That’s quite…”

“Odd?” she guessed, “It is. It’s not normal for dwarves, either. It only takes place in the royal line to keep it pure.”

“You seem quite close, even though the arrangement was preplanned.”

“That’s… a later development. I didn’t really take well to the arrangement initially.”

Bilbo seemed to bite the inside of his lip. 

“I know we’re strange to you, but I’m happy with it.” She flipped her hair and grinned. “We’re going to get married in Erebor when it’s reclaimed.”

“What are you babbling about?” Fili asked, springing over a rock to sit next to her. He took off his jacket and draped it across the two of them. 

“Bilbo was asking me about what we mean to each other,” she explained.

Bilbo opened his mouth and quickly closed it. 

Fili rolled his eyes. “Ah, yes. Our plans.” He kissed her cheek, making a loud popping noise. “Remember when you despised our arrangement?”

“I grew up,” Kili grumbled.

“Hardly.”

Bilbo opened his mouth again. “This is… huh. Well, then. I’m very happy that you are happy,” he said, getting up. “Thank you for… clarifying that.” He zipped away, asking if Bombur needed any help cleaning dishes. He occasionally turned to them as he talked with Bombur. When he turned to them the third or fourth time, Kili swore that she saw him smile at them.

*

There were moments in which Kili was separated from Fili during the journey. They were mostly brief moments in the midst of conflict, such as the time the rock giants split where they were standing in two or the times that they had enemies that needed to be cut down to meet up with each other again. But none of these instances were like their imprisonment in Mirkwood.

The elves tucked her away in a distant cell that made her feel like every wall was closing in on her. She devoted at least two hours of her day kicking at the bars repeatedly, wondering if she could angle her foot enough to break it.

She wondered if Fili was trying to break out, as well. She fantasized that she would successfully break out and meet him in the middle of the prison, kissing each other before they freed everybody else.

Bilbo appeared several days into the imprisonment. He had a piece of paper in his hand that he slipped between the bars and dropped in her hand. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find you,” he told her, “You were put someplace cut off from the rest of the group.”

Kili unfolded the piece of paper and noticed the scratching writing style of her brother. “Is this from Fili?” she asked, “How is he?!”

Bilbo nodded, trying to smile the slightest bit. “He asked about you as soon as he could, too,” he told her. “He should be fine. Although when I saw him he was trying to pick the lock with the cap on the end of his bootlace.”

She grinned. “I should have known,” she murmured.

Bilbo smiled, nodding his head. He waved his hands. “If you want to respond, you must do it quickly. I can’t stay here for very long.”

Kili gasped and tried her best to quickly read the letter. It was curt, but it got its point across. Love you and want to kiss you. She was able to laugh as she read it a second time and took the piece of graphite from Bilbo’s hand to scribble a response.

“Would you like to learn something about hobbit weddings?” Bilbo asked.

Kili looked up at him and squinted. “Why not? It’s something to think about that isn’t this horrible place.”

“It’s good luck to be married in the spring time. It’s very important to us. We want there to be flowers so we can put them in the bride and groom’s hair.”

Kili smiled, realizing that she spelled something incorrectly and corrected it. “That sounds wonderful,” she said.

“I feel as though you and Fili would look wonderful with daisies in your braids.” He tugged at the paper. “Are you done?”

She finished her message. Same here. It’s dark. I miss you so much. She passed it to him and smiled. “So you think we’re a good match?”

Bilbo sighed. “How you got together isn’t exactly something I’m used to, but I know love when I see it. And it’s right here on opposite ends of this dreary place.”

Kili tried to thank him, but he already bolted away from her. When she willed herself to sleep she dreamed of Fili with daisies in his hair.

*

When Bilbo freed them from the dungeon, Kili was torn between thanking him profusely and tossing Fili against a wall and kissing him. She decided to go with the first option and didn’t get to properly reunite with Fili until they were at an inn.

Kili wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate her relationship with Fili. Thorin didn’t help by allowing them to share beds together when they were able to stay in an inn.

They were able to find an inn later that evening and they found themselves in a room alone. They draped their jackets over their bed and held each other close that Kili could feel Fili’s breath on her neck. 

“Did you try to break out?” Fili asked, his fingers weaving into hers.

Kili nodded her head. “Of course I did,” she told him, “I tried to kick the bars down.”

He laughed. “I tried to pick the lock with a bootlace.”

She pulled his hands close to her lips and kissed them. “Bilbo mentioned that,” she said, “I was just so worried.”

“They didn’t do anything to you, did they?” he asked, tightening his grip around her.

She shook her head. “Other than the fact that they made sure I was as far away from you as possible, no. They didn’t do anything.”

Fili took a deep breath. “I’m glad,” he whispered, squeezing her tighter, “Although, knowing you, you’d find a way to attack them if they tried to do anything.”

Kili continued to kiss his fingers. It was another moment in which she realized how lucky she was with someone that had complete confidence that she could save herself if she needed to. But he was certainly willing to help if he could.

*

Kili felt herself hitting a point in the adventure in which moments seemed to pass through her. Smaug was defeated and the Lonely Mountain was reclaimed, but it was all because of Bard. Bilbo’s betrayal with the Arkenstone was painful, but even if she wanted to listen to Bilbo’s side of the story, Thorin would never allow it. 

As soon as Bilbo was swept away the rumblings of battle came storming in. All Kili could do was make sure that she had enough arrows and that her sword was sharpened. She wondered if her mother was aware of what was happening. Surely, there was news of the Lonely Mountain being reacquired, as well as Thorin’s request for aid had reached her.

Kili didn’t expect war to take place while she was on her adventure. Granted, she couldn’t anticipate very much on the journey. But she certainly didn’t expect to face a line of goblins and accept the fact that she might not make it.

She knew death. She met it several times on the journey. It kissed the tip of her arrow more times than she could recall and it allowed her the chance to escape to the next enemy. At this time she wondered if it would have an arrow or a sword aimed at her.

She spent most of the evening before the battle prepping her weapons and sitting across from Fili. She knew that death could find its way to Fili, too. She wondered what would become of her if it did. She didn’t want to imagine a moment in her life that he wasn’t in it. 

Thorin suggested that they should rest and pulled Kili aside. His eyes appeared sunken in and his skin was discolored under the candlelight. “I believe that it’s best that you stay safe and away from the battle,” he told her.

“Not happening,” she said, shaking her head. “I didn’t follow you this far to hide while all of you fight the final battle.”

Thorin grabbed her by the collar and pulled her close. “You are too much of a liability,” he snapped, “I will not lose my sister’s daughter, because she was never trained for war like this.”

Kili tried to pry Thorin’s thumbs off of her. “And Fili is? What about Ori? Bofur? Who here is an accomplished warrior other than Mr. Balin, Mr. Dwalin, and you?” She could sense that something was growing dark in Thorin’s mind. She found feel it as his glazed eyes stared her down. But she wondered if there was a way to get her words just right and make him realize what he was saying. “I am Kili, daughter of Dis, and a proud member of the Line of Durin. If I die young, I hope it’s a warrior’s death.”

Thorin’s face screwed up and he screamed at her incoherently. He shoved her into the ground and stormed off. Kili reached out to him, yelling, “Thorin!” until his silhouette disappeared from her sight. 

She saw a hand reach out for her and she grabbed for it without seeing who it was. When she was helped up, her eyes met with Balin’s. His eyes were downcast as he said, “It seems you saw an uglier side of your uncle just there.”  
“I have to fight, Mr. Balin,” Kili whispered, hoping that no one else heard her, “I can’t just stay behind. If we lose… part of the group… in the process… I would never be able to live with myself.”

“I know, lass,” Balin replied, “I don’t think Thorin really expected you to heed his order. He still wanted to try.”

Kili tried to pull her lips back into a smile, but it was too difficult. “I’d rather die tomorrow than spend the rest of my life knowing I didn’t complete this quest as best as I could.”

“You don’t need to tell me this. Not anymore. I know this is what you want and what you’re going to achieve, regardless of what anyone says.” He pensively played with the split of his beard before he said, “Although, while we’re speaking on what could be our last evening together… I must confess… I thought Thorin was mad for inviting you.”

Kili glared at him. 

Balin chuckled. “I had a feeling you’d take it that way. While you aren’t an exact replica of your mother, you certainly have her stares down.” His eyes wandered to an empty space between them. “I thought that you wouldn’t be able to fight when the moment came. That while you had plenty of experience hunting and training, something in you would set off when you were out there and you would panic.”

Kili didn’t want to admit it, but there were plenty of times she panicked. There were times in which she was too close to a warg to efficiently hit it or the time that she was pointed out by the Goblin King for being the only woman in the company. Of course she panicked. But she knew that it would be difficult. There would be moments that she panicked. She just had to follow through.

“If we are successful… there will be stories about you,” he told her, “Stories of a princess who joined a company of lost souls hoping to reclaim their home and proved herself worthy of any title given to her.” He smiled. “Fili will be lucky to have you as his queen.”

*

Kili attempted to collect her weapons early in the morning. She noted that her sword was missing and wondered if Thorin tried to take it from her to deter her from coming. If he really wanted to make sure of that, he could have at least tried to take his bow. 

Fili watched her as she tried to get all of the layers of her outfit on. “We can’t go out together. I’m expected to be by Thorin’s side,” he stated, his voice shaking the slightest bit. 

Kili nodded. “I understand,” she said, strapping her dagger to her side. “I’ll try my best to follow you out. Keep my distance. You know me by now, Fili, I can sneak quite well.”

Fili placed his hand on her shoulder and she paused briefly to brush her chin against it. “What if one of us dies before we find each other?”

“If you’re already thinking about dying right now, you’re certainly not going to survive this battle, Fili,” she grumbled, making sure her boots fit securely on her feet. She pulled him close and kissed him on the lips before she pulled her hood up. “Be scared, but don’t think that way about our deaths. Promise me,” she demanded.

He kissed her back and tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear. He pet her braids briefly before he brought his hand out of the hood. “You even took the time to braid your hair.”

“I also made sure my hair was braided when we were in Mirkwood,” she pointed out.

Fili kissed her again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” she replied, “I’ll see you on the battlefield.”


	3. Bringing Them Back to Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is a character death. Hint- it's not Fili or Kili.
> 
> Also, "Bahel" translates to "friend of friends" in Neo-Khudzul, which combines the Khudzul that can be found in Tolkien's work, as well as Hebrew.

Kili realized that following Thorin and Fili was a difficult task. By the time the battle began, it was chaos. Bodies were crashing into each other with sharp weaponry. Kili tried her best to follow her brother’s hair and nearly lost him several times. She tracked his fair hair as it disappeared to an open area and launched arrows at anything that got in her path when trying to locate him. 

Kili charged into the clearing she saw Fili disappear to. She heard her uncle yell her name and she found him, hacking into a pair of orcs. 

Her brother turn to her, his face covered in blood and his side ripped open and exposed. “Kili, why?!” he asked.

“I need to protect you,” she yelled, her words jumbled together in too high of a pitch to really be understood.

“Look out!” Fili squawked.

Kili realized another orc was charging at her. She tried to adjust the bow, but was too close.

Fili twisted in front of her and cut upwards along its chest. She felt herself pulled back and saw her uncle holding onto her shoulder. She shook her head, lifting his hand off of her. “I can do this,” she told him, trying to steady her voice, “I’m going to protect you.” She smiled at him and bolted in front of both him and her brother, unable to see his reaction. She skidded along the ground and pulled arrows out of nearby corpses and shot them at a nearing trio of wargs. 

As the wargs fell over each other, she wondered what became of the rest of the company. If they were even alive. She turned to see her brother swinging his sword into anything that got close to him. He was tired, but still able to move. Meanwhile, her uncle was nearly face to face with an orc. As he tried to push it aside, another one appeared behind him, whacking his axe into his back.

Kili shrieked, feeling her legs buckled as he dropped to the ground. Fili turned his head to her and all she could do was point to Thorin.

Fili charged to him as Kili followed behind him, groping at her quiver in search of any arrows. When she felt nothing, her stomach dropped. Her hands wandered to her dagger and she held it tight as she slid over to her uncle. She propped him up, trying to wipe the blood on his face with her sleeve. His eyes were open, but unfocused.

She took several deep breaths before she choked out, “Hang on, Thorin, please.”

Fili stood at the side of them with wide eyes. He shook his head, whispering, “No. It… isn’t supposed to be… this way.”

“I’m out of arrows,” Kili added, “Thorin, please, stay with me.”

Thorin let out a gurgling noise, blood leaking out of his mouth. She pressed her forehead into his neck. She heard him make a noise that sounded vaguely like her name and she held him tighter. She finally looked up at Fili and asked, “Fili… is this it?”

She thought of her mother and how she lost her love twice. How could she cope with losing the three of them? Would she even be able to? They had left with her with promises of her homeland returning to her and a wedding. By the time she was going to return, they were going to be buried deep in the mountain.

She didn’t realize that she was crying until she saw her tears dripped on Thorin’s forehead. She watched him close his eyes and all she could do was shake him. If she died that day, at least she could say she had a good life. She was loved by her mother, her uncle, and brother. She didn’t always deserve it and she certainly hurt them at various points, but she made up for it in the end. Right?

Fili finally got out of the trance he was in and tossed himself in front of her. “I’m not losing you,” he said, “Just… keep him safe.”

“How?” she asked as she tried to pull his pelt off. She attempted to rest her fingers on his neck to find a pulse, but her hands refused to stay still long enough to concentrate. Fili was already swinging at the enemy. Sometimes they got close enough that she could feel their blood splatter when Fili was able to take them down. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the halls she was told she would be greeted to when she died. Would her brother be by her side? Would her uncle be proud of her? What if he was disappointed that she died clutching a body that was already lifeless?

She heard a groan and her eyes snapped open as her brother fell. His leg was ripped open and gushing as he crumpled next to her, dropping both his swords.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, “Kili, I can’t…”

Kili refused to look at him, focused on his swords. She kissed her uncle’s forehead as she let him lay on the ground and brushed her hands against Fili’s face as she picked up his swords. She swung them around several times. The hilt was slippery from a mix of Fili’s sweat and someone’s blood, but she could manage. She wiped her face on her shoulder and let out a noise that she could only describe as a roar.

She launched herself forward, her motions jerky, but effective. She needed to protect Fili. If Thorin was dead, he would be able to take on his responsibilities. He spent his entire life preparing for a moment like this. If only it could have taken place at a later time.

She crouched down, trying to catch her breath. She was replaceable. Fili would be upset, but he could find someone else to be his queen. Maybe he could have a daughter and name it after his sister that saved his life. The one that swung his swords and used her body as his shield.

When she stood up again, she found herself focused. She imagined herself as nothing but weaponry, digging her blades into necks and crushing skulls with her heels.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed. She wasn’t even sure if she had got hit. She was able to still stand and it was good enough for her to keep fighting.

Eventually, she felt herself pushed back far enough that she nearly tripped over her uncle’s body. She lowered herself, about to launch another assault when her brother squeaked, “Kili… let go.”

“I can’t,” she hissed, “I’m sorry, my king.” She jumped on her feet. “I must protect you.”

Fili tried to nod his head and yelped. She turned her head and shoved one of the swords into an unmanned warg’s skull. She kicked its body as she pulled the blade out and she heard the thundering of hooves. She turned to the source of the sound, a mass of elves riding white horses. One of the horses split from the group and someone riding it jumped off. Kili felt her chest swell as she saw Dwalin charging toward her. He called out her name as he held her close, trying to pry the swords out of her hands. He pulled away from her and noted the blood that she left across his chest. “Are you hurt, lass?”

She let out a choking sob as she shook her head, pointing to her brother and uncle. Dwalin bent down, whispering a smattering of “No”s as he held Thorin close. She fell on the floor and let out more, body-wracking sobs.

“Stop that,” Fili whispered, his voice so soft she could barely catch it over the sound of horses.

She looked up and saw her brother’s hand twitching against her. “Come close,” he demanded.

“Yes. Of course. Is there anything you need?” She didn’t even know what she could give him. She could now say that she knew of battle, but she certainly didn’t know its aftermath.

“He’s… Fili, are you…” Dwalin started, still clutching Thorin as he leaned over to them.

“He’s alive,” Kili said, nodding her head. She let him lean his head against her lap and she grabbed his hand. She felt relieved when he was able to grip back. 

Dwalin willed himself to let go of Thorin’s body and watched Fili breathe several times before he said, “I’ll get him a healer. Please stay with him.”

Kili didn’t get to respond as he ran off. She kept her free hand on the hilt of her dagger, her eyes trying to focus on the space surrounding them.

“I think… it’s over,” Fili noted.

“You aren’t allowed to die on me,” she growled.

“No, brat… we’re safe… it’s over,” he repeated.

She smiled briefly, glad that he was well enough to give her a hard time. Eventually her face fell as she asked, “But did we win?” 

*

Dwalin propped Thorin over his shoulder as Kili tried her best to carry Fili with help from the healer. When they arrived at the area that the healers had tents set up, several other healers appeared and took Thorin and Fili, disappearing as quickly as they arrived. Dwalin lead her further into the area, one of the healers following them and saying that they had a private area for her.

“You saved us,” she whispered to Dwalin, “Thank you so much.”

Dwalin grunted, his head twitching in a way that may have been a nod. “The healer said they may have gotten some sort of signs of life from Thorin. They’re going to keep trying.”

Kili didn’t recall anything like that when she was walking near them with Fili. But she didn’t mind being given false hope at this point. The healer in charge of the tent opened the flap and grabbed her arm. “If you could please…” she started and Kili reached out to Dwalin. 

Dwalin placed a massive hand on her shoulder. “I’m going back to your brother and Thorin’s tent. I’ll give you any information as soon as I get it.”

“But did we win?” she asked, her voice quiet, “I just, I took down so many, but…”

Dwalin squeezed her shoulder. “The eagles came. It was the momentum that we needed.”

Kili was finally pulled away from his grip and into the tent before she could respond.

*

Kili was able to stay awake during the healer’s initial examination. As her fingers deftly trailed her body and noted any wounds, she made remarks about how her lack of injuries didn’t make sense. “I’ve heard of you,” she muttered as she attempted to wipe away the blood on her face, “I have family in the Blue Mountains that worked at the marketplace with your mother. You would help her sometimes. My family always noted that you never wore a dress.”

“Still don’t,” she confessed, “I haven’t in… a year or so.” She wondered if her mother would bring her dresses when she returned. Was she even allowed to wear those anymore? What was expected of her now that she was officially the part of a reclaimed kingdom? 

The healer pondered how to go about giving her stitches. “I don’t want to make you have scars,” she murmured.

“That doesn’t matter,” Kili replied, “I just need to stay alive.”

The healer nodded and began to stitch her skin. Toward the end of the stitching session, fatigue began to grab at Kili. She felt her eyelids grow heavy, but she found herself afraid to fall asleep and miss Dwalin reappearing with any updates about Thorin and Fili.

She tried to imagine a beaten down, but alive, Fili at her side. She didn’t even want to touch him at that point. She just wanted to be able to see him breathing.

She pushed a blanket off of her and tried to get off the bedding. The healer rushed over to her and pushed her back, reminding her that she would rip her stitches open. Kili felt the parts of her skin sewn together pull and decided that it wasn’t worth the risk. She wasn’t sure how many seconds it took for her to fall asleep when she willed her head to lay on the pillow.

*

Kili might have slept for hours or days. She wasn’t entirely sure. She let out a low whine as the healer ran over to her. “How are you feeling, my queen?” she asked, her face falling as the words spilled out of her mouth.

Kili mouthed “queen” several times before she was able to make the connection. “Oh no,” she whispered, “Thorin…”

“The king is safe,” the healer added hastily, “He is resting.”

The king? Fili! She swung he legs off of the bedding and felt her stitches pull as she moved. “I need to see him.”

“You’re not decent,” the healer noted.

Kili looked down at the thin white shift she was wearing. It was sheer enough that she could see her bandages through it. “I’ll wear my jacket,” she muttered.

“It’s stained…”

Kili shot her a glare that her mother would be proud of. She found her jacket folded up in a corner of the tent and put it on. The healer begrudgedly passed her a pair of slippers and turned away as she left. 

She dragged her feet through the rows of tents, her nose filled with the scent of blood and death. She had to ask several people to find out where Fili was located. When one of them gave her a difficult time, she contemplated telling them that she was a queen and didn’t have the time to deal with it. Ultimately, they gave in after studying her wounds and her bloodstained jacket for several seconds longer than necessary. 

She arrived at his tent and peeked through the flap. She saw Fili facing Ori from his bed. Ori was taking notes as Fili was speaking.

Kili leaned up against the flap to listen.

“So… she turned to me… gave me this look… and took my swords,” Fili explained.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really seen her fight with a sword, unless the enemy was too close,” Ori noted.

“She stopped practicing with swords as soon as she was given her first bow from our mother.”

Kili felt her cheeks grow hot. It wasn’t very often that she heard her brother talk about her with so much affection in his voice. She couldn’t handle hearing anymore and lifted the flap in hopes of cutting him off.

Fili tilted his head toward her, his eyes becoming glassy. “And there she is,” he whispered.

Kili found herself staring at him for a few seconds. He was pale and most of his body was bandaged, but he was alive.

And now he was king.

Ori turned to both of them and twisted to the healer behind him. “Ah, could you please look at my hand outside?” he asked.

“Why? You’re using it now…” she started.

“Ori hushed her and lead her out of the tent. “I’m happy to see you alive, Kili!” he added, bowing his head toward Fili as he left.

She broke her eye contact with Fili to wave at Ori, but refocused on him. “Am I supposed to bow, too?” she asked.

Fili sat up and let out a low groan. “Please don’t. It’s happened to me too much already.”

She processed what that really meant and it made her throat burn. She dove into his pillow and let out a sob. She cried out of sorrow for Thorin and that he couldn’t live to see his home reclaimed. She cried out of joy for her brother to be able to survive.

Fili pulled her onto his bedding and removed her jacket to drape it across the two of them. He brushed his scabbed knuckles along her cheeks, wiping away her tears as he began to cry himself. He took shaky breaths before he said, “He woke up, you know.”

Kili kissed his fingertips and asked, “Who?” Her face fell. “Thorin…”

Fili opened his hand against her cheek. “He was able to open his eyes,” he explained, “The last thing he saw was you protecting us.” He gently pulled her closer to kiss her on the lips. 

“It was horrible form on my part,” she mumbled, “He must have been disappointed…”

“You know he understood what you were working against,” he told her, “He’d appreciate that you didn’t just let yourself be taken out, because your favorite weapon wasn’t available.” He brought her close enough that he could brush his nose against her hair. “Ori has been telling stories about you. Would you prefer to be known as a wolf or as a lioness? Because Ori likes lioness and I like wolf.”

His voice was cracking and Kili was certain that he was still crying. She refused to look up at him, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to take it. “You’re a lion, if anything.”

“I think that was the connection that Ori was trying to make, Kili.” He trailed one of his hands down her arm, brushing against several stitches. “I just think that you don’t have to be a part of me like that.”

“What if I like being a part of you?” she asked, “We survived a quest, Fili. And we stayed close to each other as much as we could. We battled side-by-side and now we’ve reclaimed our uncle’s home. I’d be honored to be a part of you.”

Fili kissed her hair and tried his best to ease her head onto his chest. “I had to tell Balin multiple times that I refuse to get married until Mother arrives.”

“Is someone notifying her?”

“Dwalin is on his way,” he said, “We agreed that he was in the best condition and the best candidate to go. I’m also expected to be making major decisions already. I had to designate a cleanup crew to take care of Smaug’s mess in the mountain. When that’s done, we can begin to move in there. And… then we have our home.”

Kili shut her eyes, allowing the word “home” to bounce around in her head. She felt warmth in her body that she hadn’t felt since very early into their adventure. She thought about telling him something trite. Maybe that home was with him. But she resisted and resorted to listening to his breathing instead.

*

Kili never saw herself as someone who would enjoy living in a mountain. She much preferred the warmth of the sun on the back of her neck as she wandered through forests and dipped her feet in streams. Thankfully, Fili’s limited mobility due to his injuries made her responsible for interacting with dwarves as they arrived and attempted to decide what to do now that their land was returned to them.

Bilbo said goodbye to her and Fili before he returned to the Shire. Fili begged him to stay from his bed and Kili followed him through the hall, trying to figure out what she could possibly say to make him hold off leaving.

She realized she may have had the perfect reason. “Could you at least stay for the wedding?” she begged, “I don’t want you to leave on these terms.”

Bilbo turned to her and gave her a tired smile. “I believe I must turn down the invitation. I’m not quite the type of company you’d want during such a happy ceremony.”

He began to tug on his tunic. For a moment Kili swore that she could see her mother standing there, her hands balled in her skirts as she discussed the loves that she lost. She just wished that she had been aware of Bilbo and Thorin’s connection when her uncle was still alive.

“Will you keep in touch?” she asked, her voice too soft for the large hall, “Perhaps when we’re more settled and Fili’s stronger, we can visit…”

“I don’t believe that you’ll have much time to visit, Queen Under the Mountain.”

She groaned. “Please call me Kili. And I promise you that we won’t appear uninvited like when we first met…”

“I need time, Kili. I’ve lost… we’ve lost someone dear to us. You must stay here to complete Thorin’s mission and I must go home and make sense of what has happened to me since I left.”

She wrapped her arms around her body and sighed. “I’m just scared I’m going to ruin everything Thorin set out to do. We weren’t supposed to take over for many years.”

“I don’t think you’ll ruin anything,” Bilbo told her, “I think you and Fili will be a fine king and queen. I can’t say I know much about being either, but I believe you both have one of the most important qualities.”

“Battle scars?” she guessed.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “No, Kili. You are both kindhearted.”

Kili kissed his forehead before she let him leave the hall.

*

Two months after the battle, Fili was able to walk, even though he typically needed Kili to help him. Thankfully, Fili sat at his throne most of the time, meeting delegates and formally introducing himself to them. Kili would occasionally sit through these meetings, taking the seat to the right side of him. He would make her leave when she was about to doze off or she shook her legs so much that the beading of her dress was making noise. 

She tried to focus on the reconstruction of Dale and checked up on it whenever she could. She made sure to visit the marketplace at least once a week and bought items from the new shopkeepers, always making sure to pay more than they were attempting to charge her. 

She didn’t explicitly discuss this with Fili, even though she had a feeling that she should have. She didn’t have an attachment to the gold that they inherited, nor did she have any interest in developing one. She spent so much of her life wandering and working at markets with her mother that she didn’t want to develop that sort of addiction. Her uncle’s state toward the end of his life told her that nothing good could come of it. Fili just watched her return from her trips with new pelts or trinkets and he would tell her, “Do you need another room for your new items?” 

Kili wasn’t opposed to being Fili’s legs as more and more dwarves were relocated in the area. She tried her best to greet as many as she could and graciously accepted their invitations to come inside and share a meal with them. Many dwarves weren’t quite sure how to initially talk to her. The ones that knew of her before she left for Thorin’s quest knew her as Dis’s rambunctious little girl. The ones that heard Ori’s tales about the battle knew her as the wolf and eyed her nervously as she passed by, her tall stature certainly not helping. Sometimes they just didn’t know how to react to her, because she wasn’t officially a queen yet.

She tried her best to laugh and show that she took her position seriously, but she wasn’t necessarily the most serious dwarf. She reminded herself what Bilbo said and that she had was kindhearted. She needed to take advantage of it as much as she could at this point.

Dis arrived around this time. Kili was sitting the wrong way on her throne as Fili was filling her in on a meeting she didn’t attend. A guard announced Dis’s arrival and Kili rushed over to Fili’s side to help him up. He gently swatted her away. “Run to her. I entirely understand,” he told her.

“I’ll be right back!” she exclaimed as she grabbed handfuls of her dress as she ran out of the hall and into the sunlight. She located a row of ponies nearing the entrance and darted around the crowd to find her mother.

Dis scanned the crowd and found her. She eased herself off of her pony and frowned as Kili got closer to her. “You’re going to startle the ponies!” she scolded as she caught her daughter. She nearly lifted her up in the air as she hugged her. Dis eventually brought her down and whispered something so soft in Kili’s shoulder that she didn’t even know what language it was in. Dis finally asked, “Where is my son?”

“He’s sitting on the throne. He’s able to walk on his leg now, but can’t quite run yet.” The healers weren’t entirely sure that he would ever be able to run again. It was a sacrifice that Kili was willing to take as long as it meant that Fili was alive. Kili hooked her arm with her mother’s and lead her to the entrance into the mountain. She let Dis take a deep breath.

“You excited to be back home?” Kili asked.

Dis craned her neck as high as she could, inspecting details of the door. “I am,” she said, “Now that it’s real… I’m happy.”

Kili reached for the door and paused when her mother added, “I stopped by a few taverns on my way here. There was some talk about you.”

“They weren’t calling me a whore, were they?” Kili asked.

Her mother tightened her grip around her arm and shook her head. “No. Quite the opposite. They were referring to you as the Wolf Queen of Erebor.”

Kili smirked. Fili was very happy that the wolf title had more staying power than the lioness one. “I’ve sort of acquired a reputation after the battle,” Kili explained, “Ori didn’t help. He wrote this whole love story from Fili’s perspective.”

“I have to hear it,” Dis noted.

“It makes me sound way braver than I was,” Kili said, waving her free hand. “Can we go in?”

Dis shook her head and urged Kili to open the door. She pulled the door open and led her mother inside, making sure that she walked slow enough to let Dis take it in. When Dis saw her son on the opposite end, she stopped walking and bolted, letting out a cry of joy as she nearly smothered her son with kisses. Kili followed her, eventually getting pulled into her mother’s kisses, as well. Every so often she would say, “I know I’m not supposed to do this to a king and queen” and they would promptly hush her. Eventually their mother backed away, her face darkening. “May I see your uncle?” she asked.

Their uncle was buried deep in the mountain with many of the other descendents of their line. Fili and Kili had avoided it for the most part, focusing on their new, breathing, subjects as they attempted to rebuild the surrounding area. But it felt right leading their mother there and flanking her as she kneeled down and prayed.

Kili folded her arms and tried to pray as well, even though she couldn’t recall the last time she did such a thing. She was pretty sure that she was just wasting Mahal’s time making wishes, because all her prayer consisted of was begging for her mother to stop suffering loss and for Fili to be able to walk without aid as soon as possible.

*

The next day led to formal discussions about their wedding. Kili found herself unable to contribute to the conversation. The visit to Thorin’s resting place made the taste of blood and the smell of death return to her senses. 

“Both Fili and Kili made it clear that they wanted to wait until Dis’s return for the wedding,” Balin noted.

Kili noticed how Fili was spaced out, only twitching back into the conversation when he heard his name. She grabbed his hand and held it tightly over the table.

“I believe we should have the ceremony take place as soon as possible. Kili already has obligations of a queen, but she does not have the formal title until they are wed,” Dis noted.

Kili tried to gulp some ale down and rinse the memories out of her mouth. She stopped fantasizing about their wedding when the quest was getting particularly difficult. It wasn’t that she didn’t expect them to survive, but it was that she didn’t have the capacity to focus on that topic. She still didn’t quite have the capacity to. 

It didn’t help that they were operating as king and queen for several months at this point, aside from sharing the same bedroom. But those sorts of concerns seemed so petty compared to the revitalization efforts they were focused on. While Kili would love to take several hours off and curl up close to Fili, there were so many times right after the battle in which he was in pain and unable to comfortably fit her against him. It seemed like he was in less pain recently, or he was at least getting better at managing it.

The wedding was set a week after the meeting. Fili and Kili said nothing in regards toward its organization. 

*

It was the night of her wedding and all Kili wanted to do was drink with her husband-to-be.

“I feel as though there’s a superstition about spending the night with your wife the night before your wedding,” Fili said.

“Pretty sure that’s a Man thing,” Kili noted, gulping down ale. 

“You may be right,” Fili replied, chuckling. They were in the hall that the feast was going to be held. It was mostly decorated, the only details missing being the food and fresh flowers that made Kili requested. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“I still get pains,” he confessed, “Mostly in my leg if I stand on it for too long. But that should lessen with time. How are you healing? I feel as though I haven’t really seen your body since the times you stopped by my tent.”

Kili leaned back and rubbed her eyes. “Because it’s true. I hate how we have guards now. Is it possible we can just be king and queen and live in a little house near the mountain?”

Fili laughed. “While I’m sure that would endear most of the dwarves, I can’t imagine the elves being too fond of delegating with us in such a small space.” He tapped his chin. “Maybe we can get a place, though. A guest house of some sort. And we can sneak off to it if we want to spend time alone.” He sent a wicked grin her way and brushed his good leg against hers.

“Could we?!” Kili exclaimed, quickly covering her mouth. “Sorry.”

Fili gulped some ale and reached across the table to brush his hand against the upper part of her arm. “There’s a scar here. I saw you get hit. How is it healing?”

Kili looked around the room and smirked. “I see what you’re trying to do,” she whispered and promptly pulled her collar low enough to show him the beginning of the scar.

He patted the chair next to him and she ducked under the table to reappear at his side. His smile grew wide enough that he began to giggle. “Can you try to be a queen for two seconds?”

“Never,” she said, pulling her collar again. “See? It’s scarred over.”

Fili rubbed the line down her arm and kissed it gently. “Anywhere else?”

She pulled her sleeves and showed the white lines that grazed her arms. “Most of these will fade away over time, is my guess. Oh! I got a few on my leg.” She hiked up her skirt to show off the hack marks that had since scarred over along her thigh.

Fili kissed his fingers and rubbed them against her leg. “All honorable battle scars.” He let his fingers linger on her thigh a little longer. “The nightmares are beginning to stop,” he told her.

“That’s good,” she replied. They rarely spoke of their nightmares, but they both had them. Fili’s were always about the moment Thorin died. There were times that he was able to save him, but then Kili would be the one that took an axe to the back. There were other times that Fili would lose both of them. Kili’s nightmares were more about facing the enemy. Sometimes all she saw was blood and occasionally a gigantic warg that would attempt to eat her whole. 

“I have… different kinds of dreams now,” he told her, “They’re all about you.”

Kili pulled his hand off of her leg and shook her head. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m being serious, Kili,” he told her, pulling her closer to him. “They’re ones in which I finally have you in my arms and we are able to finally explore each other the way we’ve been waiting for. Sometimes they go as far as us having a child.”

Kili shook her head. “You can’t be serious.”

“Well, I am,” he told her, playing with the pair of braids behind her head. “Just one. I don’t think you would be able to handle two. I feel as though you’d get stir crazy.”

“When have I ever come off like I’d be a decent mother?” she asked.

“Every day,” he told her, “I’ve heard the stories of your visits to Dale. About how all the little girls follow you and want you to teach them how to use a bow.” 

She shrugged. It was a trend that she didn’t think much of until he pointed it out. Apparently, many of the young dwarf girls that had since settled in the area wanted to become princesses that went on adventures, fell in love, and had good aim with a bow. Shopkeepers would occasionally ask her when would be a good time to allow their daughters to start combat training and she would draw a blank. What did she know about parenting? Other times, shopkeepers would grumble that the stories about her adventure inspired their daughters to howl and call themselves wolf queens. She secretly liked those stories the most, because she would have reacted the same way when she was little.

“I mean, I just make little girls want to terrorize their parents,” she mumbled.

“Well, you still do that to Mother.”

She laughed. “Well, that’s very true.” She knew that Fili would be an excellent father. He had the patience to be able to listen to children, even if they were asking a slew of unanswerable questions. At the same time, she thought about how he would have to explain to their children that they might have to marry each other to preserve the line. “If we do have children… I don’t want them to have to be betrothed to each other,” she confessed. The arrangement worked for her and Fili. But it wasn’t after decades of tension and misread emotions were deciphered. 

He nodded. “I agree. That’s another reason why I was hoping we would only have one child.”

She smiled, burrowing her face into the fur lining of his cape. He sighed loudly as she pulled it over her head and wore part of it like a hood. “I think if you are willing to do a lot of the work… we could become parents.”

“Seeing as though you still act like a child, I sort of expected to do most of the work.”

*

Dis entered the room with a bouquet of daisies in her arms. She nearly dropped them when she saw Kili standing there in a light blue gown.

“Am I that hideous?” Kili asked, trying to push her unbraided hair over one shoulder.

“Quite the opposite,” Dis replied, sitting her down. “You said you wanted these?” she asked. “I never saw you as one for flowers.”

“I don’t really care for them so much as I like what they represent,” Kili explained, tugging gently at a petal.

“And what’s that?” Dis asked, sitting down behind her to section off her hair.

“You know how Fili and I were stuck in Mirkwood?” she asked.

“Yes, although I’d rather not know about it,” she confessed.

“Well, Bilbo visited me. And he tried to make me feel better by telling me about how hobbits get married.”

Dis began to braid complicated twirls along her hair. “Go on,” she ordered.

“It’s tradition for the bride and groom to wear flowers in their hair,” she explained, wondering what her hair was turning into with her mother’s nimble fingers.

“How sweet,” Dis said, picking up one of the flowers from the bouquet. She spun it between her fingers before she began to weave it into the braids. “I think I can work with this.”

Kili grinned as her mother gave her two braids at the front of her face with large daisies weaved into them. Her mother kissed her forehead and let her lips remain there for several moments before she said, “You look more beautiful than I ever could imagine.”

*

Kili never thought that Fili could look more beautiful than he usually did, but he found a way at the ceremony. His hair was braided with even more braids than he usually wore and he wore a new tunic with gold stitching that glowed under the lights of the hall.

She nearly tripped trying to make her way over to him. She still wasn’t quite used to floor length gowns. She stutter-stepped to Fili’s side and she was pretty sure she heard Bofur cackling toward the front of the hall. When she faced the crowd, she saw their company standing toward the front, many of them with already watery eyes.

She waved her finger at them and faced Fili again. He already had tears in his eyes as he brushed his fingers against the daisies in her hair. Halfway through the ceremony, he pulled one of them out of her hair and tucked it behind his ear. 

There were prayers and speeches that took so long, Fili found himself having difficulty standing. Dwalin subtly slid a chair his way and Kili helped him sit down, this time hiking her skirt up high enough that she wasn’t going to trip over it.

The ceremony concluded with the unveiling of their crowns. Fili’s was larger and more impressive than Kili could ever imagine. It seemed to fit perfectly against the golden waves of his hair. Kili graciously accepted her smaller crown and grinned at Bofur as he began to openly weep against Bifur’s shoulder. She mouthed “Serves you right!” at him, before she went into her vows about being the best queen she could be for her people and the best wife she could be for her king.

When the ceremony was declared over, Kili kneeled down and kissed Fili on the lips. While most of the crowd politely clapped, she could hear the distinct voices of the dwarves she had the honor of going on a quest with hooting at her.

Kili waved at them and picked up Fili by the waist. Fili waved his arms around, yelping, “Kili! What are you doing?”

“I’m helping you?” Kili asked. She grunted as she got him into the hallway. 

“I think you ruined any reputation I was trying to have,” Fili mumbled.

“I’m sorry I got excited!” she exclaimed, placing him down in a way that he could still lean on her. “How’s your leg?”

“It’ll be better soon,” he told her, “And how are you, my wife?”

Kili grinned, kissing him several times before she responded. “I’m great,” she told him, “I’ve never been better.”

*

Kili told herself that she was not going to leave Fili’s side. She was able to successfully go through most of the wedding feast watching him. She stuck another one of the daisies in his hair and barely made eye contact with anyone else. Toward the end of the feast, Fili placed his hand on the small of her back and she understood. “Won’t it be obvious what we’re doing?” she asked.

“When did you ever care about being subtle about these things?” he reminded her.

She scrunched her nose at him and got up to help him out of his chair.

They made their way to Fili’s bedchambers, which was already filled with many of Kili’s items from her old room. She helped sit him down on the bed and brought a finger to his lips. “I’m sorry, I need to get out of this dress right now,” she told him, quickly running into the corner and trying to undo as much of her dress as she could in the process. She eventually got down to her shift and returned to the bed, straddling her legs across his lap. “Sorry about that,” she said, “It shouldn’t happen again.”

Fili placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close to kiss her. Kili took the lead, rolling her hips against him and slowly beginning to untie his tunic. Eventually, Fili swatted her hands away and broke their kisses. “Can I lead, maybe?” he asked.

Kili grinned. “Of course you can!” she said, “I’d appreciate it.”

Fili eased her onto the bed and slowly pulled himself up on her. “Be nice to me, it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“It’s my first time, too, you know,” she said, “So you better be nice to me, too.”

Fili gently kissed the space between her breasts and nodded as he pulled up her skirt.

*

Fili had a plan. 

He was going to take Kili on a journey, formally introducing themselves as the king and queen of Erebor as they made their way to the Shire. 

Unfortunately, Kili found herself in a situation that would make his plans fairly difficult for her to follow through.

Fili pointed to various sites on the map that he had unrolled on the table in front of them. He was moving much easier now, dancing around the table with relative ease. “I’m sure Bilbo will be happy to see us,” Fili explained.

Kili laughed nervously. “Oh, yes,” she said, her voice louder than she anticipated.

Fili stopped moving. “Are you all right?” he asked, “I thought you’d be excited that we’re going to see Bilbo.”

Kili shrugged. She wanted to visit Bilbo. She wanted to see the rolling hills of the Shire again and be able to talk to Bilbo without both of them being unable to think of anything outside of Thorin and what their lives meant with him gone. “Things happened,” she confessed.

“Things?” Fili asked.

She groaned. Why was it that healers could poke and prod her body and tell her advice on how to take care of her body, but they couldn’t provide her with advice about how she should go about discussing her diagnosis? “I’m not… I… well…”

Fili squinted at her, letting go of the map to let it curl up. He placed his hand on her cheek and rubbed his nose again hers. “Are you ill?” he asked.

“Sometimes,” she confessed, “I mean, in the mornings a lot. Sometimes at different points in the day. It’s pretty inconvenient.” She may have vomited in several urns located throughout their living space. She tried her best to clean them before anyone noticed, but it would be easier to just tell him about what was happening.

Fili pulled away, letting out a gasp. “Kili…” He turned his head from side-to-side before he whispered in her ear, “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” 

Kili backed away. “I’m sorry, we’ve only been married for a few months!” she exclaimed.

“Why are you sorry?” he asked, his eyes bright. “It’s what I’ve always wanted!” He picked her up and swung her around. “Kili, we’re going to become parents!”

Kili watched the walls spin for awhile, listening to him ramble about how they needed to start planning as soon as they could for their child. She finally felt excitement rush through her and she wrapped her arms around Fili’s neck, squealing. She just hoped that she was going to be ready to be a parent when her child arrived.

*

Kili jumped toward the tree just to see if she was able to pull herself up by the branches.

The answer was that she could, although she didn’t have as much ease as she used to. She frowned, poking at her middle as she leaned against the base of the tree and stared out into the forest.

She whistled to herself as she checked her weapons and made sure they were sharp enough. She was finally able to make time in her mornings to wander the forests near the mountain. She brought her bow in case she felt like hunting, but she knew that Fili wouldn’t appreciate her dragging a dead rabbit into the little house that they were spending the summer in. 

It didn’t help that the sight of an injured animal would drive her daughter to tears.

She squinted at the sun and guessed what time it was. She jumped off the branch and yelped when she landed. She hopped around, groaning when she realized that it didn’t make them hurt any less. She circled the tree several times before she finally was able to stop screwing her face up in pain. Hopefully, her body would respond better to the terrain when she was finally able to get out more. She was nearly glued to her child for five years, she was ready to be separated from her for an hour or so during the day.

She sprinted out of the woods and into the clearing, getting winded as she neared a row of houses. She bent over, breathing hard for several seconds before she jogged to one of the houses and opened the door.

The room rang with the sound of Fili’s laughter and the sound of a child babbling. She pulled her boots off and lined them up with a larger pair of fur lined boots and a pair of child-sized slippers. She shuffled over to a small bedroom and found Fili on his knees with a little girl, holding dolls in both his hands.

Fili noted Kili entering the room. He waved with one of the dolls swinging in his hand. “You’re back early!” he told her. “See, Bahel? Told you Mama would come back.”

Bahel launched herself at her mother. She jumped up and Kili caught her, hoisting her up over her waist. “Good morning, dear one,” Kili greeted, kissing her cheek. She pushed her blonde hair back and smiled, “Nice to see that you were torturing your father bright and early.”

Bahel giggled, burrowing her face into Kili’s neck. 

Fili gently placed Bahel’s dolls on the ground and sat up. Kili could never quite get over the image of the King Under the Mountain sitting on a wooden floor, wearing royal robes and playing with children’s toys.

Kili held Bahel close as she bent down next to Fili. Kili loosened her grip on her daughter to allow her to reach for her dolls and pass all three of them around. “There,” Bahel said, “Now we can all play.”

“How did it go?” Fili asked, pushing back his doll’s yarn hair. Bofur made her a doll set the last time he visited. Bahel loved to make stories and make her parents act them out with her. Some of the adventures were formal in nature, occasionally parroting the exchanges that she overheard when she snuck into meetings that her parents were attending. Other times they were disjointed retellings of the stories she heard from Ori. Kili found herself recreating the Battle of Five Armies more times than she ever wanted to with a dark haired doll that Bahel reserved for her.

“I’m not in the same shape I used to be,” Kili mumbled.

“Well, we expected that,” Fili replied. He rubbed her thigh when Bahel wasn’t looking and quickly brought his hand back to his side. “Just remember that I find you beautiful no matter what.”

Bahel made gagging noises and Kili found herself joining her. “Ew!” Bahel exclaimed. Kili draped her arm over Bahel’s shoulders and Bahel curled up at her side, sticking her tongue out at her father.

Kili constantly found herself in awe of her daughter. She was five and her personality was truly beginning to shine through her wicked smile and her proud bearing. She marched between her parents with her father’s hair and her mother’s eyes. She didn’t care to learn much about combat, but she was always up for hearing stories about it. She also had a deep appreciation for pranks and finding ways to join her mother in ganging up on her father. 

Kili wasn’t sure if she could be considered a great parent. There were still moments that she found herself blanking out like when Bahel fell and cut her forehead open or when children teased her for petty things, like having blonde hair. But any time Kili turned her head, she could find Fili running to her aid, cleaning Bahel’s forehead and leaning in toward the children and asking them what they had against dwarves with fair hair. 

No, she couldn’t be sure if she was a great parent on her own. But with Fili at her side, she was certainly a decent one.

Fili twirled his fingers into the curls of his daughter’s hair and asked, “Bahel, would you be interested in going on an adventure of your own when you’re a little older?”

Bahel tilted her head and pursed her lips for a moment. “It depends,” she said, “I don’t want to fight any dragons.”

Fili laughed. “There’s no need to worry about dragons,” he told her, “But there’s a place that your mother and I haven’t been to for many years and we would like to return to it.”

Kili grinned, leading Bahel to sit on her lap. Bahel leaned against Kili’s chest and titled her head. “Well, what’s there?” she asked.

Fili opened his arms and wrapped them around his wife and daughter and took a deep breath. He began to tell a story about a place called the Shire and how he and Kili were told to find a round door with a rune imprinted on it. It was there that they met a creature called a hobbit, whose stature was even shorter than a dwarf’s. 

Kili listened as she collected Bahel’s dolls and tucked them in the crook of her arm. Bahel gladly hugged them close as she listened to her father’s tale, occasionally asking questions to make sure that she understood every detail. Kili closed her eyes and realized that Fili’s story was less than a decade old. While that was such a brief moment in any dwarf’s life, it was long enough for Kili to go from a bedraggled young girl to a warrior queen.

Bahel pulled on her sleeve, her eyes wide. “Mama! Can we visit the hobbits?!” she asked.

Kili laughed, kissing her forehead. “Yes. I think that’s a great idea,” she told her, “Your first adventure will be to the same where our first adventure began.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to the prompter! I had more fun than I anticipated writing this. I also would like to thank everyone who has commented/sent kudos my way during this. I hope it ended the way that you wanted it to :o)


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